1. Someone to make decisions for you
I'm terrible at making decisions. Not the big decisions, like who to marry... that one was easy. Even naming the baby... not that hard.
It's the little things, like what to put on the registry, colors for the nursery, etc. that I can't handle. Example: I am currently debating which swing to keep.
We picked up the Mamaroo because the other swing was already making an obnoxious clicking sound, but really I think all swings make their own sounds. I'm leaning towards the Mamaroo though, just hoping the babe likes it! Any mamas have a preference?
2. Warning signs for when the hormone hurricane is about to come through
If you didn't experience the inconsistent waves of crazy-woman hormones during your pregnancy, then congratulations are in order. They come out of nowhere, usually provoked by something truly mundane like an eye roll from your husband or the fact that you ran out of toilet paper. There's no warning, you just erupt in a fit of anger and tears.
3. Unlimited pedicures and foot massages
I didn't truly understand this until I hit about 33 weeks and it started to feel like I had been walking around a theme park for days. Something about those 20+ pounds you pack on wreck havoc on your feet, so unlimited spa pedicures whenever you deem necessary would be ideal.
4. A free pass to slap a hoe for insulting prego comments
Remember when I told y'all about the woman who asked if I was checked for twins? Yeah I would have slapped her if it were socially acceptable. She's just lucky the hormone hurricane wasn't rearing her ugly head at that very moment!
5. Slip on shoes and leggings all day, every day
Who am I kidding, I already live by this rule.
6. A promise that your water won't break in public
I may or may not become a hermit in the last few weeks of this pregnancy. I know most women's water doesn't even break until you're at the hospital, but that doesn't mean I'm not terrified of having that gush of water while I'm drinking my Icee, shoving my face with popcorn, and buying diapers at Target.
7. Pain-free recovery
I secretly despise the women who tell me their recovery wasn't that bad. Either you're lying or you're one of the lucky few and are giving me false hope. I'll be the one preparing for carnage with my 5 jumbo packs of overnight super pads, Tucks, and granny panties.
8. Someone to pick up everything you drop
At some point you will get to the point where it is easier to leave things on the ground than bother picking them up. I've recruited my husband for pickup duties, he's doing great so far.
9. A stash of wine and Starbucks gift cards waiting for you after delivery
Because 9 months without caffeine and alcohol was torture.
And there you have it my friends, the unrealistic guide to birthday gifts for the knocked up ladies. Anyone have anything else to add?